Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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