My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
