the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
