In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
