No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
