the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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