I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
