I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
