last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
