I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
