hotel room ftw
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
