I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
