worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
