the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
