What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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