a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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