That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
