Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
