Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
