Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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