Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
