Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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