Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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