I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
