Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
