I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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