so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
