I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
