I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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