We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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