Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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