apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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