I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
