sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
