how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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