Your dad touched me again.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
