Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
