Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
