omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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