I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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