i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
