I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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