I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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