I was born with a shot glass in my hand
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
