How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
