You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
