Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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