I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
