shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
