i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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